Pillar 03 of 05
Friends
When your circle is right, you stop having to be your own only counsel.
Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens his friend’s countenance.
Proverbs 27:17 · WEBBE
Most adults have plenty of contacts and almost no counsel. There are people who will celebrate with you, people who will work with you, and then a very short list of people who will tell you something you do not want to hear and stay in the room afterwards.
That short list is the pillar. Iron sharpening iron makes noise and throws sparks. If every conversation in your life is comfortable, nothing is being sharpened. You are only being polished.
This is the pillar that decays quietest. Nobody announces that they have drifted. It shows up years later as a decision that nobody warned you about.
When it is strong
- At least two people have standing permission to ask you anything.
- You have said I was wrong out loud in the last month.
- Someone in your life is further down the road, and someone is behind you.
Where it cracks
- Everyone around you agrees with you.
- Your friendships are all downstream of your job title.
- You process every hard thing alone and call it being strong.
The reps
Small enough to actually do on a bad week. That is the point. A rep you skip when life gets heavy was never a rep, it was a wish.
- 01
Make the call
Voice, not text. Five minutes beats a month of reacting to each other online.
- 02
Grant permission
Tell one person explicitly that they are allowed to challenge you. Then thank them when they do.
- 03
Be the one who shows
Funerals, hospitals, moving days. Presence at the low points is what makes a friendship real.
- 04
Audit the room
Once a quarter, ask honestly whether the five voices closest to you pull you up or keep you level.
Say it out loud
“I will keep people close enough to sharpen me, and I will thank them when it stings.”